When Success Feels Empty: Why Achieving Goals Can Leave You Feeling Deflated

Have you ever finally reached a goal you'd been working toward for months, maybe years, only to feel... deflated?

I was in conversation with a friend about how they'd been waiting and planning to move onto their next stage in their career. Now that it had finally happened, they thought they'd feel better about it.

Instead… oddly deflated.

I remember this feeling after some of the retreats I've held in the past. Such a build up of planning and effort in execution. Inspired and energised during the process, but after… there really was a letdown effect.

I mean I say 'oddly' but perhaps it makes sense.

Of course it does (I say to normalise and soothe myself)

It makes sense (our brains are those sense makers after all) AND we are sometimes confounded about our own responses.

Why would I feel this way when this is actually what I wanted?

Why would I feel this way when I've been thinking about this goal/ this result/ being in this situation for so long…

Now I'm here it feels….

Meh.

I thought I'd be happier about it.

Deflated. Sometimes goes together with exhausted, exposed (… that ol' vulnerability hangover is a thing)

I've had clients that describe themselves as feeling low and blue after such a big build up, often months, maybe even years of work to get to a certain stage…

and then it's over… or open… or done…

Onto the next stage…

We get on with life. (Makes me think of a wedding… or is that just me?)

Summoning energy then for the next ‘push’…

I understand this for the client. I understand this for me too.

An event, an opening, a group, a workshop that requires so much of us.

• We take ourselves out of our comfort zone

• Offering something to the world

• Sometimes a piece of ourselves

• Striving for our own goals

• Soo much effort

• A dash of bravery

• A leap of faith

  
  

And then we get there and….

meh…

next…?

Is that how I want life to be?

Yes and no (as per my normal response)

I like working towards something.

I also want to stop and appreciate. Look around, mindful of and in my surroundings.

Seeing the wealth of my life that is so very textured.

… the view I wake up to each morning, the aroma of my first (of 3) coffees for the day, my vibrant loved ones sleeping peacefully nearby. Watching my daughter's last school football match. My dog following me around urging me to feed her. The magnificent magnolia tree in full bloom I drive past on the way to my meetings.

The list goes on…………

Life is full of goodness when we look for it.

So before we move onto 'next'… I offer this as a reminder to us (more me than you…)

Life is good. (full stop)

Breathe. Look around. Take a moment to acknowledge where you are, what's you've done. How far you've come.

The goal is never just the goal. It's also about the life we're living around it.

…. something about 'roses'…. (buhhhhhh… couldn't help myself… )

Reminder to self: could be time to read The Gap and the Gain again. It's my go to when I need a refresher to see what I have rather than the never-ending pit in front of me. Gosh that sounds so dark but it's really a recognition of my pattern (not too much self judgement here 😊). It's also a reflection on the years of self awareness I've built with my own willingness to engage in regular 1:1 conversations with my coach.

What about you? Have you experienced this post-achievement deflation? I'd love to hear your thoughts.